why i hate betta fish, and other thoughts about my mom

ofgeography:

so obviously the problem with listening to country music too much is that it is a constant reminder of my wayward youth growing up on a farm in virginia, and all the stupid shit i used to get up to while my poor mother ran after me waving her hands in the air shouting things like, ”why are there eggs on the garage door????” and, “HOW did you end up in LOUISA COUNTY??? YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE IN SCHOOL,” and, “YOU’RE GOING TO GET THE PLAGUE IF YOU DON’T GET THAT PIGEON BLOOD OF YOUR HANDS.”

  • just girly things!

anyway, i’ve been thinking about my mother.

THINGS I HAVE LEARNED FROM MY MOTHER:

  • all my best swear words
  • how to make midnight snacks with nothing but condiments, weird leftovers, and a goddamn dream
  • how to take a shot without flinching
  • The Drunk Dance (CLAP YA HANDS)
  • every word to every joni mitchell song
  • 7 alternative spellings of the word “laugh”
  • how to BETRAY your FAMILY by leaving them to DIE ALONE in FIRES.

rewind.

the year was 2005. my dad brought eleven of his students to spend the night at my mom’s house (my parents are amicably divorced) because they were flying out of DC early the next day and my mother was closer to the airport by about 4 hours. they were all asleep in the rooms upstairs; i had slept on the couch, my father in the guest room, and my aunt in her apartment (which was attached to the kitchen).

the point is: we had a full house, and my mother decided to make everybody a big farm breakfast. which would have been a really sweet gesture, except of course that the stove in the house is incredibly temperamental and sometimes lights things on fire that aren’t meant to be on fire.

  • SORRY ABOUT YOUR SHIRT, SKIP

"SHIT," said my mother.

i woke up, somewhat groggily, to the fire alarm. “is the house on fire?” i asked.

"EVERYTHING’S FINE," said my mother.

"is the house on fire?"

"IT’S UNDER CONTROL," said my mother.

i got off the couch, rubbing my dear sweet little 12-year-old eyes, not yet aware that i was about to be faced with the terrible truth about my own position in the household hierarchy. my stepdad was in the kitchen, fanning smoke out of the windows, while my mother poked at charred bacon.

i sat down at the island, stretching my hands out to steal a pancake. “hey,” i said through a mouthful, suddenly noticing: “where are the jerrys?”

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Tags: betta fish

"In my experience, what every true artist wants, really wants, is to be paid."

Terry Pratchett, Soul Music (via wingofworldshereafterdevised)

(via fridjitzu)

squidnapped:

terufrying:

mister-smalls:

jesus-lizard-journal:

the-unpopular-opinions:

This is not “cool.”
This is sad.
In fact, it’s more than just sad… It’s pathetic.
Between the MLP crap, the Disney Princess garbage, the never ending 90’s nostalgia, the barbie collections, and the weird obsession with Harry Potter (basically a kids book), this sort of thing is causing the “peter pan complex” that is so epidemic in my generation, and it’s created the entire hipster movement as well:
Encouraging people from the age of 20 or so up into their mid 30’s to spend time and money reminiscing about their childhoods out of the sunlight and off of the streets, holed away in a dark living room or bedroom watching something stupid like Disney’s The Fox and the Hound or playing Zelda.
Yes, it’s nice to remember what life was like back when we were kids, but for crying out loud… you’re not kids anymore. And when I see shit like this being glorified on tumblr or anywhere else, I cringe at the thought of these infantile man-children and women-children who never grew up, and how they’re going to be running the planet in short order.
I grew up largely without video games (my choice), and mostly played with action figures. However, even now as an adult, I would never adorn my fucking living room or bedroom shelves with old collectable toys (let alone make an entire room devoted to such a thing). They were for playing with, and then they were for the donation box for someone else to enjoy once I grew up. So yeah, this room full of various consoles and every retro old video game known to man? Pathetic. And so is anyone who says, “to each their own.”

STOP LIKING THINGS I DONT LIKE

Wow, what a fucking asshole
Jesus fucking Christ

how dare somebody have hobbies
how dare they

what are adults supposed to like, then? do you make an entire shelf just for your briefcases and paperweights and fiscal responsibility? are you suggesting that no one over the age of 18 ever enjoy anything ever again?
why are adults not allowed to like things? how fucked up is our culture that being happy and enjoying things and being proud that you enjoy things is considered immature? like oooooh you can have a mancave full of sports merch and thats cool but once you like a cartoon or a YA book SUDDENLY that’s a crime.
and… man/woman children? seriously? let me tell you, guy/girl/other, that can’t be further from the truth. my mother is a 46-year-old woman who works a very prestigious executive job, and on her desk is a huge collection of yoda plushies. my dad is an environmental scientist who owns every lord of the rings novel and movie. my cousin has a fucking hello kitty tattoo and she works as an accountant for a fortune 500 company; my dad’s best friend is a chemical engineer who works for the government and, oh yeah, she collects legos and reads harry potter.
they’re not maladjusted man/woman children, they’re not NEET. these are people who are intelligent, professional, and probably way happier than the people that threw all of their “childish” interests away once they crossed the threshold into adulthood.
just my 2 cents. no one should have to be miserable just because being happy with what you like is considered “kid stuff.”

Reblogging for Inky’s perfect commentary and also to add a couple more examples: my entire apartment is a monument to the cartoons, books, and movies my girlfriend and I like. I am an attorney and I have been responsible for approving several government contracts that allowed New Jersey to pay companies to clean up after Superstorm Sandy. I’m super pathetic, wow!!! And my father? What a complete idiot nerd he is for collecting vintage records of his favorite band from his young adulthood in the 70s!  What a pathetic *appellate court judge*, jeez. Having hobbies and collections doesn’t make you useless or stupid, op. It means you have a personality beyond the job you do.

squidnapped:

terufrying:

mister-smalls:

jesus-lizard-journal:

the-unpopular-opinions:

This is not “cool.”

This is sad.

In fact, it’s more than just sad… It’s pathetic.

Between the MLP crap, the Disney Princess garbage, the never ending 90’s nostalgia, the barbie collections, and the weird obsession with Harry Potter (basically a kids book), this sort of thing is causing the “peter pan complex” that is so epidemic in my generation, and it’s created the entire hipster movement as well:

Encouraging people from the age of 20 or so up into their mid 30’s to spend time and money reminiscing about their childhoods out of the sunlight and off of the streets, holed away in a dark living room or bedroom watching something stupid like Disney’s The Fox and the Hound or playing Zelda.

Yes, it’s nice to remember what life was like back when we were kids, but for crying out loud… you’re not kids anymore. And when I see shit like this being glorified on tumblr or anywhere else, I cringe at the thought of these infantile man-children and women-children who never grew up, and how they’re going to be running the planet in short order.

I grew up largely without video games (my choice), and mostly played with action figures. However, even now as an adult, I would never adorn my fucking living room or bedroom shelves with old collectable toys (let alone make an entire room devoted to such a thing). They were for playing with, and then they were for the donation box for someone else to enjoy once I grew up. So yeah, this room full of various consoles and every retro old video game known to man? Pathetic. And so is anyone who says, “to each their own.”

STOP LIKING THINGS I DONT LIKE

Wow, what a fucking asshole

Jesus fucking Christ

how dare somebody have hobbies

how dare they

what are adults supposed to like, then? do you make an entire shelf just for your briefcases and paperweights and fiscal responsibility? are you suggesting that no one over the age of 18 ever enjoy anything ever again?

why are adults not allowed to like things? how fucked up is our culture that being happy and enjoying things and being proud that you enjoy things is considered immature? like oooooh you can have a mancave full of sports merch and thats cool but once you like a cartoon or a YA book SUDDENLY that’s a crime.

and… man/woman children? seriously? let me tell you, guy/girl/other, that can’t be further from the truth. my mother is a 46-year-old woman who works a very prestigious executive job, and on her desk is a huge collection of yoda plushies. my dad is an environmental scientist who owns every lord of the rings novel and movie. my cousin has a fucking hello kitty tattoo and she works as an accountant for a fortune 500 company; my dad’s best friend is a chemical engineer who works for the government and, oh yeah, she collects legos and reads harry potter.

they’re not maladjusted man/woman children, they’re not NEET. these are people who are intelligent, professional, and probably way happier than the people that threw all of their “childish” interests away once they crossed the threshold into adulthood.

just my 2 cents. no one should have to be miserable just because being happy with what you like is considered “kid stuff.”

Reblogging for Inky’s perfect commentary and also to add a couple more examples: my entire apartment is a monument to the cartoons, books, and movies my girlfriend and I like. I am an attorney and I have been responsible for approving several government contracts that allowed New Jersey to pay companies to clean up after Superstorm Sandy. I’m super pathetic, wow!!! And my father? What a complete idiot nerd he is for collecting vintage records of his favorite band from his young adulthood in the 70s! What a pathetic *appellate court judge*, jeez.

Having hobbies and collections doesn’t make you useless or stupid, op. It means you have a personality beyond the job you do.

Five minutes into tonight’s Walking Dead—

Me: OH NO NO NO NO NO NO

Whenever I see college students at the train stations, I get a pang of longing to still be one of them, carrying a backpack full of books to class and ten years younger, brimming with promise.

Then I remember the whole thing about actually getting paid for my work and not having homework on weekends, and I feel okay about being old.

noirandchocolate:

An ask conversation I’ve been having this evening has made me think about how great fandom can be.  I mean sure there’s fights about ships and sometimes groups get mad at each other but on the whole fandom is a pretty awesome thing.  I mean think about it, fandom is a community of people who may or may not live anywhere remotely near each other, who come together because they like a thing.  And so many good and unexpected things can happen to these people, because they like a thing and participate in its fandom.

So hey tumblr, if you’re into it, reblog this and tell me a nice fandom story, or send me an ask I can publish.  Something cool that happened in your life because you were in a fandom.  Did you meet someone rad?  Start learning to write fiction so you could write better fic of your favorite characters?  Decide to become an artist because people encouraged your fanart?  Are you super proud of your cosplay and got lots of compliments at a con?  Does being in a fandom just make you really goddamn happy??  Tell me (and thus tumblr) about it!!

Fandoms fight a whole freaking lot and get a bad rap because of it.  So let’s tell each other about the positive things we’ve gained/experienced because of fandom.  Come on y’all it might be fun!

(Source: noirandcandypumpkins)

noirandchocolate:

fwiffo:

noirandchocolate:

greetings neighborhood ne’er do wells.

i know that it is a day to celebrate this country’s freedom.

but i would like to bring to your attention the fact that the sale, transport, and use of fireworks in this jurisdiction except as pursuant to a permit issued by a local, county, or state governmental body for a public exhibition are all ridiculously illegal actions.

you are guilty of a petty disorderly persons offense and while that does not incur time in the slammer your brazen disregard for the law will be noted.

image

happy fourth of july you shameless criminals.

image

just try and stop me

image

PERHAPS WE CAN PUT THIS TO A VOTE.

DEMOCRACY IS WHAT FREEDOM IS ALL ABOUT.

(Source: noirandcandypumpkins, via noirandcandypumpkins)

adriofthedead:

penandpage:

whisperrun:

whisperrun:

theneverendingdrums:

anywigwilldo:

image

after a while i became convinced that the words were mocking me

Nothing happened. 

I WAS PROMISED A BATTLE

*throws down gauntlet*

Edit: Went back. This is the best thing to happen to my dashboard ever.

Reblogging again because my followers need to see this. To be clear, rebog, go to your actual blog, then click the picture. 

image

holy shit that’s intense

(via meowgosaurus)

noirandhotchocolate:

“God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen,” as performed by Jethro Tull!  One of my favorite bands, and I’m not sure how I missed the majority of this Christmas album until just now.  This song is SO fun and jazzy.  I have a feeling it will become one of my favorites for the season.  (Also I don’t see how anyone can ever resist Ian Anderson’s flute.  Just saiyan.)

(Source: noirandcandypumpkins)

noirandchocolate:

noirandchocolate:

GIVEAWAY TIME!!

These guys got some attention last night so I thought maybe a giveaway is in order!  Would you like to receive one of these shadowy mobster scalemates for your very own?  Then step right up, ‘cause four lucky winners will have the gangster of their choice sent right to their little hands!

I decided that rather than crochet a second set of these guys and give them away, I’ll wait ‘til the winners are selected and ask them who they’d like to get.  Then I’ll make them!  That way, every winner gets their first choice and I can be sure every scalemate I make will be loved a lot! ♥

RULES!!

  1. One like and one reblog per person!
  2. You don’t have to follow me, but if you do, you can have a second reblog for a total of three chances to win!
  3. If you reblog, include a comment of which Midnight Crew member you’d like to receive.  This isn’t mandatory—if you win I’ll ask you at that time—but I want to informally see which dragon is most popular!
  4. Please have your askbox open so I can let you know you won.  If I can’t contact you, or you don’t respond within 72 hours, I’ll choose another winner.

OTHER INFORMATION

  1. Since I’ll be making these after the giveaway ends and I find out who wants what, ‘first prize’ is basically that I will make and send out yours first.  I’ll keep in contact with the winners to let each know when I send out their scalemate.
  2. You have to be comfortable with giving a random gal on the internet a mailing address that can receive a little package! 
  3. These are mini scalemates modified from this pattern.  Spades Slick is about 5.5” tall without his hat, Clubs Deuce is a little shorter and Diamonds Droog is a little taller, and Hearts Boxcars is 9” tall.  Just so you know!
  4. Each scalemate comes with a removable hat.  Droog’s tie is not removable.  AND!  If you want a Slick scalemate, you can choose the unmaimed version shown here, OR I can make you one with a grey ‘robot’ leg, a scarred eye, and a removable eyepatch!  Just let me know!

AND FINALLY!!

This giveaway ends at 11:59pm on NOVEMBER 19!  After that, I’ll use a random generator to select the winners, and once that’s done I’ll post ‘em!  So be on the lookout!

GOOD LUCK!

Still several days left on this!!  Remember, if you’re a follower, you get two reblogs and a like!

(Source: noirandcandypumpkins, via noirandcandypumpkins)